im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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