just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
