The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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