My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
