I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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