Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
