Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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