If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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