when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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