i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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