literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence