Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
