you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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