a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
