Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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