i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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