New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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