Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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