saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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