I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
