Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
