U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
