You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You need Xanax blowdarts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
