um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
