my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
