I could make wine with my vomit
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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