I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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