He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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