My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
