hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
