More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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