I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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