we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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