I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
