Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My pussy is not your playground.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
