forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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