after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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