when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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