Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
