how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
