Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
