so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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