So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
