dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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