i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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