i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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