question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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