Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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