OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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