I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
