Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
