my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
