She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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