I looked at my own cervix.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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