When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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