There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin