We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.