Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
