ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
