She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
