I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
