Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
