i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
